Forgiveness and Love
by addisoncornelia
Summary: Derek divorced Addison but does he still have feelings for her? Does he have some regrets over choosing Meredith?
1. Chapter 1

Hi, this is a fic about Addison Montgomery and Derek Shepherd. I own nothing. I just started writing how I would do the show. No harm in that. Hope all the Addek fans get a chance to read this one. It's not much Addek in this chapter. But I do promise you it'll come! I love this couple. Best tv-couple I'd say. Enjoy!

It was a lovely morning at SGH, Derek thought so to himself. He always hated Mondays, but who really likes them? But this Monday he liked. Was it because of the weather? The coffee he had this morning? No… it was because of the red headed he sees in front of him. He couldn't help but smile. She was talking to a nurse. She was wearing a dark blue dress, black heels, glasses and of course the lab coat was on. She looked beautiful like always. But then the smile on Derek face disappeared. And he thought to himself: "she's my ex-wife. I can't think like that about her can I? I'm with Meredith now. I made my choice. She's the one I want to be with. She's the one I need. Not Addison. Hell she screwed my best friend. Of course I can't be with her." But he still couldn't stop thinking about her. The way she smiles, the smell of her perfume that always made him go crazy. And the way she always looks at him. With big eyes and a smile. Well… used to look at him.

Addison was talking to nurse Susan. She really didn't pay much attention to her as now she had noticed Derek starring at her. She started to think she looked funny or something. But then she sees the grin on his face. Was this actually Derek looking at her? She felt the redness growing on her cheeks. What was happening? Did he check her out? Or was he just starring for no reason at all? She couldn't tell… she got interrupted by Dr. Karev. She didn't actually know what was going on between them. They did fool around a little. But that was it. Nothing serious was going on. At all. He said to the nurse "may I talk to Dr. Montgomery in private please?" the nurse nodded and started to walk away from them. He pulled her closer to him. With his hands on her waist. He looked in her eyes and closed the gap between them with a kiss. After he said with a grin "want to come back later? After shifts?" she was just about to answer when she sees a fist hit Alex's jaw. And she sees Derek's the one who had punched him. Alex pulled himself off the floor. And smashed his fist on Derek's face. Then Addison caught them off by saying: "what the hell? STOP!" they stopped and Addison walked to Alex and asked him how he was. Derek saw that too. And felt stupid. For feeling jealous about something he didn't have. He walked away, he felt the looks on him. Everyone was staring at him. He walked to an on call room. He sat on bed and tried to think about what had just happened out there. What was he thinking? He was with Meredith. Not Addison. Meredith. He sat in there for almost an entire hour thinking about this. He had to talk to Addison.

Addison saw the blood on Alex's forehead. The cut was deep. "Alex, you need stitches." Alex just nodded. Addison grabbed his hand and started walking to a spare room so they could stay private. She started to clean the cut. It was quiet. He looked at her with a grin. She noticed. "what?" she asked confused. Wondering why he was looking at her like that. "nothing, just looking at you for no reason." He said. He took her hand and pulled her closer to him and grabbed her around the neck to pull her in for a kiss. She pushed away and asked "what are we doing here Alex?" she said . "what do you mean Addison?" he said very confused. "I mean, we're not serious, right? And I want serious. I want commitment. I want the kind of guy who wants kids and marriage. I don't want fun anymore Alex, I'm too old for that. I'm not 25 anymore. I have to start thinking about me for a change. And this, whatever this is, is not something I want right now." She said. "Addison. You know what I feel about this. I'm not ready for that yet." He sighed. She looked at him. A bit sad. Not that much but sad. " I guess I have to go now then" she walked out, went to Richard's office. She stormed in. Richard got surprised. "Richard, I'm leaving." She said as she got closer to him. "wait, what Addison? Leaving?" he said chocked. "yes, I'm moving. And I quit. I'm done here." Richard thought to himself 'she can't leave. She's our best neonatal surgeon. Damn she's a world class neonatal surgeon. I need her here.' "Addison, just calm yourself down a bit. You can't leave Seattle Grace. Your life's here." Addison this time was went closer to his office table. "No Richard. I need to leave. I have nothing here. And I'm not happy here. I need a change. That's why I'm leaving." Richard decided to be her friend in this situation and not her boss. As her boss he wants her there. And as her friend he needs to be supportive. Of course he like her to stay but if this is what she needs. That's ok for him. He wants the best for her. "okay, so when did you plan on leaving?" Addison got chocked by his reaction. "ehm… today?" Richard smiled a little. "okay, but just so you know, I'm leaving your spot open, if you're coming back." Addison tried her hardest not to smile. "Richard. I'm not coming back. I'm leaving. For good. I'm done here. I really am." Richard just nodded and said "okay." He pulled her in for hug. She then walked out and couldn't help but feel free for once.

Addison got so caught up that she realized she didn't talked to Derek since he smashed Alex's face for no particular reason. She then started to search for him. She walked around in the hospital. She couldn't find him. Where was he? She feels a hand grab her wrist and she spins around noticing Derek was the one who had grabbed her hand. "can we talk?" he whispered. She could barely here it. "yes, I was actually looking for you. I need to talk to you too." He let go of her wrist and they walked to an empty on call room. Addison walked in first and then Derek.

-okay Derek. You need to tell me what's going on? What happened out there?

- Addison… I don't know to be honest.

-That's not an answer Derek! Explain to me why you just punched Alex like that! She said with a bit anger in her voice.

-fine, I was jealous. Are you happy now Addison? I was jealous of him kissing you.

Addison didn't say anything. She was chocked by the words. After a couple of seconds she managed to say:

-what do you mean you were jealous?

-I don't like him kissing you! What is it you don't understand?

-you can't just say that Derek! We're divorced. You can't say that. And you defenetly can't punch every single guy I'm kissing!

Derek knew he still had feelings for Addison. Everytime he looked at her he felt something inside. Something that made him happy. Something that brought a smile on his face. How could he have let her go? And that's when he remembers. Mark. He couldn't help by being a little angry right now. The image if his best friend and his wife having sex in his bed. On his favorite sheets. Okay. They weren't his favorite but he did like those sheets. He did know that he loved Addison more than Meredith. But he still couldn't forgive Addison for screwing his best friend. He just couldn't. So he deacided to do this the hard way.

-Addison. You need to stay away from me.

-wait, what? She said confused.

-you need to stay away from me. I don't want you near me. I can't even look at you without feeling like crap. I want you to stay the heck away from me. Now.

-are you serious? You were just telling me how you were jealous of Alex Karev for kissing me! And now you want me to walk away? Just like that? Now she was angry.

-yes. I'm with Meredith and we are divorced Addison. Just leave.

-for the love of god Derek! You're the one who punched the guy. So stop making it sound like I'm the one to blame. Because I'm not.

-just stay the hell away from me Addison! Derek almost screamed now.

-good for you that I'm leaving then! Addison screamed now too.

-leaving? Derek said calmer now.

-I'm moving. So you can go and have your little party now to celebrate, right Derek?

Addison was hurt. She actually thought the moment Derek said he was jealous about the kiss thing that they actually could make this work. Being Addison and Derek again. She never stopped loving Derek. She knew he was the one and only for her. But he apparently didn't feel the same about her. And the hurt full words he just had said to her, that he didn't want to see her ever again made her feel sick and broken. They were married. They had a life. Until she slept with Mark. God she regreted that night. Addison couldn't help the tears now. They were coming slowly down her cheeks. She was still waiting for an answer from Derek but he just looked at her. He felt like a douche. How could he do that to her? He made her cry. For something that isn't even true. Of course he didn't want her to leave. But it was easier this way... at least that's what he thought. He can't go back to Addison. He can't trust her enough for that. So he took the easier way. Staying with Meredith. He still was looking at Addison. She was red around her eyes and wet. The tears were still streaming down her face. He couldn't take it anymore. Seeing her cry was the hardest thing to watch. He started walking to the door. And he stopped and turned around and said.

-Good Bye Addison.

And then he was gone. She was more than hurt. She decided to put this aside. This wasn't going to bring her down. So she dried the tears away with her hand. And went home. She had enough for one day. She just wanted to leave this place. She went to the hotel she was staying at. Took her things, it wasn't that much but she didn't want to leave them by. So she grabbed her stuff, and checked out. Took her car and drove off. To California.

Addison had already talked to her best friend Naomi from the early years about coming to LA. Naomi had told her that she owned a private practice in LA. She and her ex-husband Sam actually. And that she would love for Addison to come and work there with her and the rest of them. Addison who had taken her car, was bored and decided to call her friend.

-Naomi? Hi, it's Addie.

-Hey, are you on your way?

-yeah, I'm almost there. So the house looks good right? You didn't choose a creepy old house for me did you? She said laughing.

Addison had already made up her mind that she wouldn't be staying at a hotel this time. She rather lived outside then. So she had asked Naomi to set her up with something nice.

-of course I didn't! haha, it's an amazing beach house. But I should tell you something though… Sam lives next door.

-what? Sam as in your ex-husband? Naomi!

-what? I thought you wouldn't mind since you guys are friends and all…

-I don't mind. I'm just surprised that's all.

-okay, well I have to go know Addie, I'll see you in a bit then! Drive careful.

-okay, bye Nae.

And they both hung up. Addison was supposed to meet Naomi up at Addison's new house. When she got there she saw Naomi standing on the driveway talking with someone on the phone. She drove up on the driveway and parked her car and then got out. Naomi hung up on the conversation she was having. Considering her friend is more important than work stuff. They hugged each other and then went to look inside the house together.

-Nae, this is perfect!

-See? I told you it was! It's so you, now I know you told me to buy some furniture but all I could find was a bed, a couch and a tv… I just didn't want to buy stuff that you wouldn't like.

-oh god, don't think about it. I'll fix that later. thank you for the help!

-no need to thank me, Addison.

After they had checked the house out they drove to the practice. Naomi thought it'll be good for Addison to meet everybody before she starts working tomorrow. When she had met everyone Naomi showed Addison her office. It was pretty big, it looked like her old office back in New York just that this one was brighter considering the windows and that it actually was sunny in LA. After the long day she went home. She grabbed Italian food on her way home and went to bed and ate it. When she was about to sleep she couldn't help but thinking about Derek. Did he really hate her that much? She was so confused. He had told her he was jealous. And then he just told her to leave? Why?

So hope you all liked the chapter. Drama huh? Please read and review. I love to hear your ideas as well. Please cheer your thoughts! This is my first fic so be nice people. Next chapter will be up in a bit! Thanks. /Addison


	2. Chapter 2

Hello everyone! Thank you for the reviews I've got! Really keeps me going. So I'm already up with chapter 2. And again. I own nothing. Enjoy readers!

Derek felt like there was something that was missing in his life. He knew exactly what it was he just couldn't admit it too himself. He knew he missed his ex-wife. He felt awful for what he had done to her. He just couldn't risk being with her again. He hated her for sleeping with his best friend. How could she do that? Derek was very aware about when they were married he maybe wasn't home all the time, maybe he had forgotten about her birthday one year, but Derek thought that doesn't give her a reason to just sleep with Mark. God he just hated her for doing that to him. But he knew he loved her. He's always going to love Addison, no matter what. The thing Derek just couldn't admit was that he was actually IN love with her. He really was. And he felt like such a jerk for being rude to her the other day, and if he could he would had taken it back what he had said to her. He really didn't want her to leave Seattle. Of course not. But he could understand why she thought that. Derek was lying on his bed. Well not his bed, Meredith's bed. She was asleep. He wasn't, he couldn't sleep. It was around 5am. He had to go up 6am. He looked over at Meredith, he couldn't help but feel nothing. He just didn't. He knew for sure that he didn't love her. But Derek couldn't go back to his wife, and he don't want to be alone. So he's going to stay with her. And see how it goes, maybe he could love her. All of these thoughts made him go crazy. He had to go. So he decided for a run. It's never a bad time for a run in the woods. It always made him think clear. He got up, put on a t-shirt, pants and his jogging shoes.

After his long run he saw Meredith still was sleeping, and loudly. He went to the bathroom for a shower. Meredith woke up noticing Derek wasn't there. She heard the water streaming down and she knew he was taking a shower. She went to the bathroom and took off all of her clothes and went in to the shower. Derek who didn't notice her jumped when he felt her hands around him. He turned around and saw her, he then felt the anger building. He didn't know why but he just got mad.

-Meredith! What are you doing?"

-Just decided to take a shower with you if that's okay?" She said with a grin.

-No! Get out!" He almost yelled.

-Geez, Derek what's wrong?" She said confused.

-I just don't like it when people scare me like that so get out Meredith." He was calmer now.

-Fine!" this time Meredith yelled at him for being such a jerk to her. What was his problem?

She stormed out and slammed the door behind her. She was a little wet but she took a towel and later when she was dressed and ready for work she went downstairs.

Derek didn't feel guilty for what he had done. He just thought it was inappropriate of her to come in like that and scare him. But they were together… Derek thought to himself "If it was Addison who had come sneaking behind me… would I throw her out? –No, no I wouldn't. Damn, I have to stop thinking about her. She left. It's over. Just go and try to be happy with Meredith. Put your feelings aside."

He went down stairs, he saw Izzie, Alex, George, and Meredith sitting there at the table having breakfast. They didn't notice him. So he decided to sneak out, he really didn't want to face Meredith after the whole shower thing… so he just grabbed his jacket, car keys, and put his shoes on and left.

When he arrived at the hospital it felt empty. He knew what it was but he just ignored it and he hoped he would get an exited case today so he could get his mind on something that wasn't Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery.

A few hours later he felt more empty than before. He had gotten a case about a twelve year old who have a huge brain tumor ´. Sure he thought it'll be interesting to operate on him but he hated working on kids. He felt like he was holding his breath the entire time. He could always see how scared they were, they didn't understand he medical terms for everything and they just looked confused and afraid. He didn't like that at all. But he maybe in some way thought that made him a better surgeon, he could see how badly the patients felt and that made him feel more obligated to let them survive. Derek always felt proud when people asked him what he worked with. And it made him feel good and strong when he tells them he was a surgeon. And not to mention… a world class surgeon. Derek loved his job. He couldn't see himself do anything else. He really loved to help people. And he thought the best gift was life. It was around 11pm. He had worked for almost for sixteen hours without any rest except for the little lunch/dinner brake he took around 4pm. But he really didn't care how much he had worked. All he could think about was to save that little boy. Derek had to be at the hospital 5am tomorrow so he decided to sleep at the hospital tonight, in an empty un call room. He was walking to the nurse station to leave some charts. When he had done that he started to find a spare room. When he was walking around Meredith popped up right in front of him whit a:

-Hey, I haven't seen you all day. How are you? She acted just like normal.

-Yeah, I've been busy. Hard case on my mind. I'm okay, you? He said. He still felt sad about the little boy.

-Me? I'm fine. Hey, could we talk? She said. He knew what it was about.

-Meredith… I'm tired. I just want to sleep. He said without hesitation.

-Fine, we can go home to my place and get a good night sleep. Come." She grabbed his hand but he immediately pulled away.

-what is it? She says confused.

-I think I'm just going to sleep here tonight. I'll see you later. Good night. "He started walking away.

-Derek c'mon. Let's go home. She said trying to convince him.

-No, I'm staying" he said annoyed.

-Stop acting like a twelve year old she said."

Now Derek was mad. He started to think about his case. The boy who had a brain tumor, his name was Daniel. Derek just gave Meredith an angry look and started walking once again.

-What's wrong Derek? She said very confused.

-What's wrong? You wanna know what's wrong? I've been working my ass off the entire day and I just want to get a good night sleep but you just always have to bitch about where I'm sleeping! Just leave me alone for one night Meredith! Or is that too much for you? Is it?" he yelled.

-You're such a jerk Derek! I haven't done anything. Just… just screw you." She said with tears in her eyes.

Meredith left. She drove home alone in her thoughts. She was scared. That Derek had stopped having feelings for her. Just the idea of him leaving her made her feel sick and helpless. She couldn't live without him. And she knew they had only been together for a couple of months but she could really feel that he was the one for her. And she just couldn't stand the image of him walking out on her and that he would never look back. She tried to keep her emotions in check when she was driving but it was too damn hard. Had she done something? Why was he so mad and distant? She really couldn't understand him when he was acting like this. What could she possibly have done?

Derek did feel bad about what he had just done. But he just felt so strongly about Daniel, his patient. Derek had a lot on his mind. And once again when he was laying on the bed in the hospital, his mind was on his ex-wife. Why couldn't he just be in love with Meredith? It would be so much easier then. She lived in Seattle, she was a nice person and she actually hadn't slept with his best friend! He decided to call it for tonight. He was too tired for his own thoughts. He drifted off to sleep slowly.

He woke up the morning after with his pillow over his head and the cover was on the floor. He sat up and looked around him. Where was she? Had she left? Derek then realized it just had been a dream. Addison wasn't there obviously. She had left. God that was a good dream. He put his clothes on and started to get back to business. He had a kid to save. After 7 hours of work he went to the cafeteria for some lunch. He started looking around for a place to sit. The first table was full of interns, Izzie, George, Alex, and Izzie. Meredith wasn't there with them. The table next to them was full of nurses, of course he could hear from where he stood about the gossip they were talking about. No, no nurses today. Then he saw an empty table. He sat down by the empty table and started eating his food. It wasn't much. It was a sandwich, loaded with chicken. And he drank coffee to that. It'll do he thought. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder.

-Hi.

He heard someone say. He turned around and saw Meredith with a small smile on her face. A week smile.

-Hey. He said bitter.

-Can we talk? She said barely a whisper.

-Yes, join me, sit. He said and pulled out a chair next to him with his foot.

-Can't we go somewhere else? She said uncomfortable.

-Yeah, sure. He said while he pulled himself out of the chair.

They both went pretty fast to an empty un call room. Derek wondered what she wanted. Maybe she was breaking up with him. He couldn't help but feel the relief. He felt bad about that. He didn't want to hurt her. They both walked in the room. It was pretty dark inside. He was about to turn the lights on when he felt Meredith hand grab his arm and stopped him for turning the lights on. She started kissing his neck slowly and sweet. Derek didn't like this. He actually felt like he was the one who cheated now.

"Meredith I'm sorry but I can't do this." Derek pulled back. "Oh c'mon Derek you know you want this." Meredith said while she started unbottening his shirt. Derek this time got annoyed and grabbed her wrists and said "no Meredith, it's not. I love Addison. You and I was just a one time thing. A fling. It didn't mean anything." Meredith this time stopped. Her tears started to stream down her cheeks. "Then why did you choose me over Addison? You told me you loved me. I don't understand Derek…" Meredith said. "I know, I thought I did. But I don't. I never did Mer. I'm sorry." Now Meredith started sobbing. "Can't we at least try? We can make this work Derek. I know we can" Derek sighed. "Meredith no. I want to be with Addison. She's the love of my life. And it's not fair to none of us to just pretending." Now Meredith was angry. How could he do this to her? Why now? Why did he let her fall for him? "Derek! I'm not pretending anything. I love you more than anything." Derek felt his guilt growing inside of him. He then said "I know you do… but I am. I'm pretending. I thought I could get over her. But I can't. Sure we have some problems but it'll be fine in the end. We'll sort them out. We always do" he couldn't keep his smile away now when he thought of Addison. "Derek you've already told her to leave, so what's the point anyway?" Meredith said, still with tears in her eyes. Derek hadn't even thought about that yet. He had told her to leave. That he didn't want to see her ever again. That he rather be with Meredith instead of a adultres bitch. He started to come back from his flashback. Derek looked at Meredith and he felt nothing. "I have to go" he whispered. "where to?" Meredith said confused. Derek was already on his way out from the un call room. He stopped and turned around with a grin on his face. "to LA" he said.

Addison sat in the kitchen. Still she didn't feel settle in her new beach house in Santa Monica. She was wearing the same thing she had on work today. A red dress with regular high heels, black once. she felt lonely. She was divorced and heart broken. She couldn't blame Derek for leaving her though she thought to herself. He did have a reason. She had slept with her husband's best friend. But still… she was heartbroken. She missed Derek, and on the same time she just wanted to smack him in the face for being such a jerk to her the last time they saw each other. Which was 2 months ago in Seattle. She couldn't get over the image of Meredith and Derek together. Tears started to build in Addison's eyes. Then the doorbell rang. She quickly stood up and pulled herself together. She wiped the tears away and walked to the door and opened it. When she saw who it was her jaw dropped. Then after 10 very long seconds she managed to say: "what are you doing here Mark?"

Surprise! Mark showed up. And finally Derek left Meredith! So please read and review. Come up with ideas as well. I appreciate it. Next chapter will be up soon! /Addison


	3. Chapter 3

Hello people! Here's a new chapter for you all. Hope you like it. I own nothing.

Addison was chocked. What was he doing there? How did he know where she lived?

-Hey Addison. Can I come in?" Mark said with a glint in his eyes.

-Ehm… Yeah, sure." Addison said, still confused by the visit.

They both got inside the house, Addison sat down in the couch. And Mark sat down next to her.

-What are you doing here Mark?" She looked at him.

-I wanted to see you, Addison." He said with a little smile on his face.

-Yeah I figured, but why?"

-Why not? You're my friend and I missed you. So I came by for a visit, what's so wrong with that?" He said questionable.

-I didn't mean it like that, I'm just chocked you know? We haven't talked for over months and now you show up?" Addison said while she took her left leg over the right one.

-I just missed you, that's all." He said while he got closer to Addison.

She picked up on his move and tried to keep the distance between them. Mark just grinned at her move. He then placed his hand on her thigh.

-Okay, Mark you need to stop this." Addison said firmly.¨

-Stop what?" Mark said flirty.

-Are you kidding me? You're totally feeling me up here against my will." Addison laughed.¨

'Why did she felt like this was okay?'

-So?" Mark said, with a super sexy smile on his lips.

He pulled himself closer to her and she did the same to him. When they were just inches apart with their lips, they stared into each others eyes. Addison felt actually pretty comfortable. It felt strange. She had only had this feeling when something feels really good between a man and her, it had only been Derek. But this she felt ok with. But she couldn't deny that she rather have Derek with her in this moment, when they closed the gap between them with a soft kiss. She felt different. And she didn't know if it was good different or bad different. They kept the kiss soft and sweet. Mark had his hands on the sides of her neck and she had hers on his chest. Mark licked a little on her bottom lip begging for entrance. She noticed what he was trying to do and she responded by parting her lips. He slid his tongue inside and he softly picked her up from the couch and she wrapped her legs around his waist. They kept kissing, her lips where now on his neck, while he was walking up to her bedroom still with her legs around him. When they had reached the bedroom he put her down on her bed kindly. She wrapped her arms around his neck while taking his head closer to hers again. Their lips met. He started taking her shirt off. He ran his hand over her stomach, while she was working on his pants. Still didn't break the kiss.

-That was amazing." Mark said with a heavy breath.

-Yeah it was." Addison said while she turned her head so she was looking at Mark with a grin.

-we should do this more often he said." while he was looking at her.

-Yeah... We should." Addison said. Not really liking the idea. She cuddled right next to him so their legs tangled together. She rested her head on his chest and had her arm around his stomach. He pulled her closer to him and stroked her hair. He felt amazing when he was close to her. It felt like he didn't miss anything. He had everything just right next to him. He smiled of the thought of him and Addison being together. He looked down on her and noticed she was already sleeping. She was so beautiful Mark thought. He pulled her once again her closer to him. She was warm and soft. He kissed the top of her hair and felt the coconut smell that came from her hair. He drifted off to sleep too.

The next morning Addison woke up by Mark starring at her. She was lying almost on top of him. She rested her chin on his chest while she looked in his eyes.

-Where you looking at me while I was asleep? She said with a grin.

-Maybe. Mark teased.

-I'm so tired... What time is it? She said sleepy.

-Almost 6am.

-What? What are we doing up? I'm going back to sleep." She said a little annoyed.

-you do that." Mark said while he pulled her closer. She fell asleep again peacefully. When she woke up 2 hours later she was alone. She was naked in her bed and alone. She should've known he would leave. He was Mark. She buried her face in the pillow. After 2 min still in that position she heard someone enter the room.

-hey sleepy head I made you breakfast." Mark said with a big smile on his face.

He had a plate with pancakes, a cup of coffee, and a big glass of orange juice with him.

-that's so sweet of you, thank you. "

She sat up, she covered herself with the covers, and started to eat. Mark positioned himself next to her, and got under the covers, he was just in his boxers and he also had a t-shirt on him. He looked at her with a small smile while she was eating her breakfast.

-What?" She asked with full of pancakes in her mouth.

-Nothing." Mark laughed at her.

Addison now was finished with her breakfast. She placed the plate on her night stand. And she turned around so she was facing Mark who was looking at her. They both were in the bed and just looked at each other.

-You know… I thought you left before." Addison whispered.

-Why? Because I wasn't here when you woke up?" Mark said confused.

-Well partly that…" Addison voice was still small and low.

-What else then?" He said actually a little annoyed.

-Mark, we both know you're not the kind of guy who sleeps over, you're all for the one night stands. So I just thought you had left… It's no big deal."

-Okay, I get were you're coming from Addison, but I've changed. I'm not the same guy anymore. Okay? I just want to be with you. I want things to get serious between us. I want a relationship with you. I want kids and the whole package with you. I want a life with you Addison."

Addison didn't see that one coming. She was chocked obviously. She hadn't thought about Mark being this kind of type who wants serious. Just as she was about to respond him the doorbell rang. Addison quickly got up and rapped the covers around her and got downstairs. She figured it was Naomi who just wanted to check on her. She opened the door slowly and picked out.

-Derek… what are you doing here?" She said nervously.

Oh… I'm sorry. Were you sleeping?"

Derek was dressed in dark blue jeans, and he had on a normal t-shirt on him that was black.

-No, I wasn't. It's fine. What are you doing here Derek?"

-well… I missed you. And I just wanted to see how you were doing. And I want to talk, it feels like we have done a mistake by…"

Derek then stopped talking. He saw Mark standing behind Addison only in his boxers and t-shirt. Addison turned around and saw that Mark was standing there, she then looked at Derek and saw his look on his face.

-what the hell is he doing here Addison?" Derek said angry.

Addison was about to say something when Mark cut her off.

-Dude, she's not your wife anymore, she can do whatever she wants."

-She's my ex-wife jerk." Derek said, still angry.

Addison was mad. Derek can't decide who she can and can't sleep with. It doesn't work like that.

-Derek, drop it. You don't get to be mad at me. You're the one who told me to leave, right? You can't just show up here and tell me how you miss me and stuff like that. It's bullshit and you know it! And you can not tell what I can or can't do. If I want to sleep with Mark that's my choice, not yours! So just leave, go be with Meredith."

Addison had tears in her eyes. She was hurt. Once again Derek Shepherd had made her cry. Derek felt awful. He was mad about Mark sleeping with Addison, but he still hadn't the right to be actually mad at them.

-Addison I'm sorry, would you please just talk to me? Let me explain." Derek said.

-No, just leave. I never want to see you again Derek. I can't even look at you. Just go." Addison said and this time she was crying.

-Okay, I'll go. But I'm coming tomorrow. So we can talk."

-Don't bother showing up here Derek." Addison said.

She slammed the door shut, she turned around and looked at Mark who saw the tears in her eyes, she was red around her eyes and she was shaking a little bit, still just naked with the covers around her. Mark embraced her. He hugged her tight and let her cry against his chest. He lifted her up so her head was resting on his shoulder, her legs were around his waist and he had a hard grip around her so she wouldn't fall. He carried her up to her bedroom, he slowly put her down on the bed, then he took the covers from her and fixed it so she was comfortable and when he was about to exit the room when he felt a hand grip his arm.

-Please don't go. Can't you just stay here with me for a while? I don't want to be alone right now." Addison said with a small voice.

-Of course I can." Mark said.

Mark went to the other side of the bed, he cuddled up next to her under the covers. She was still naked but he didn't thought about that. The old mark would've. She was cold. He felt that. He lifted her so she was on top of him. She wasn't heavy. At all. He kissed forehead gently.

-Addison, try to get some sleep. I'll be here when you wake up. I promise, okay?"

Addison who was resting her head on his chest looked up at him.

-Okay." She said with a small fake smile on her lips.

Addison rested her head on Mark and closed her eyes and let her mind travel. What was derek's problem? How did he get the idea to come and just visit like that? Don't he know what divorced means? Does he want her back? No… that's impossible. He had told her to leave. He was happy with Meredith, right? Addison fell asleep quickly after letting her thoughts working. Mark had his arms around her like he was protecting her. She felt safe.

So, what did you think? I know there isn't much addek yet, but believe me. It will be soon! Please read and review. That keeps me updating more, and one more thing. People have asked if my name is Addison, haha. It is actually. Ironic huh? /Addison


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 is here y'all! Thank you for the reviews. This chapter is partly Maddison and Addek. You all will hear my thoughts about this chapter after you've read it. So enjoy! And for those who asked for some fluff. Enjoy more! I own nothing.

When Addison woke up a few hours later, Mark was still holding her tight. She got up, went to the bathroom and looked into the mirror. She had puffy red eyes, she was still a little wet on her cheeks from the crying. She felt like taking a hot warm bath. She took off all of her clothes and jumped in the bath tub. She just wanted to be alone and think about what she should do. Derek obviously had changed his mind about their relationship they had together. But why the hell did he tell her to leave when he actually wanted to be with her? Addison was interrupted by Mark who sneaked in.

-Can I join you?" Mark said with a grin, while he started to take off all of his clothes.

-Mark… I just want to be alone right now" Addison said in a small voice.

-Oh c'mon it'll be fun" he said while he jumped in to the tub.

It was a big bath tub. Addison had said to Naomi that she wanted a house with a huge bath tub in it. That was one of the wishes Addison had about her new house. Her bathroom was all white almost. Except the towels that were a light pink color. It was a big bathroom. She had a bathroom downstairs too but this one was bigger. The bathroom had a shower too but she preferred the tub more. Addison had her both legs to her right and Mark had his on his right too. Mark was on the other side of the tub, and he looked at here with a small smile.

-So what are your plans for today?" he asked.

-Well, work of course, you?" she asked.

-I was thinking maybe that we could have dinner tonight, here or out. If you want to?"

Was he serious? He really did want a relationship with me. Does this mean I can choose now, Between Mark and Derek? God… I did not sign up for this. How can I choose? Derek is a jerk and Mark a man whore. Maybe I don't need them. At all. I'll find someone else. Someone who doesn't screw me over whenever they want to. But I really do like both of them… and I miss Derek, a lot. But he'll probably go back to Meredith, and I can't get hurt again. She thought.

-Yeah, I'd like that." She said with a small smile.

'What have I done? I can't go out with him so soon.'

-Really? Good, I'll make reservations at 8. When will you be finished at work? I can pick you up."

-You can pick me up 7.30 at my house. I'm done at work around seven so." Addison said.

-Will do." Mark said with a smile.

Mark got closer to her, he sat next to her. Addison felt a little uncomfortable. She really didn't want to have sex right now. Mark took his arm around her and just held her close to him. He had one arm around her shoulder and one rested on her stomach. She felt safe. She snuggled closer to him and rested her head on his chest. They stayed in that position for a while, and then they got up. Addison stood in front of the mirror with a towel around her. She was getting her make up done. When she was done in there she walked to her closet. Put on matching underwear's, black ones. Mark sat on the bed and watched her. She hadn't noticed him. And she tried to pick an outfit out while she was standing there in her closet only in her underwear's.

-Take the blue dress." Mark said.

Addison jumped a little, she was not aware of that he was watching her.

-God Mark, you scared me." She said.

Mark just smiled at her, and started walking to her. He stood in front of her and looked down at her, he looked in her eyes. She was looking up at him. They were only inches apart. He closed the gap between them and kissed her, softly. It was a gentle soft kiss. No tongue, just a simple kiss.

-You should wear the blue dress Addison" he said while looking at her.

Addison couldn't get a word out. She just kept her eyes on him. She turned around and took the dress out of the wardrobe. When she was done and ready to go she went down and saw Mark sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in his hand.

-I'm going now, are you staying or…?" Addison said.

-I'm going too." He said.

He grabbed his stuff and started walking to his car. The same thing Addison did. He grabbed her arm in a rational move and pulled her to him. He kissed her on the lips.

-Have a great day at work, and I'll see you tonight" he said with a soft smile.

-Ehm… yeah. I'll see you tonight." She said.

They both drove away. When Addison arrived to the practice she quickly went straight to Naomi's office. Naomi was sitting at her desk, looking at files.

-Naomi, I need your help. You can't believe what've just happened!" Addison said with a high voice.

-Okay, first of all, good morning to you too. And second, you need to calm down." Naomi said.

-Naomi, this is serious. I can't calm down! Not now anyway." Addison snapped at her.

-Okay, sit. Talk to me." Naomi demanded.

-I slept with Mark. "

-You did what?" Naomi yelled.

-I'm so not done yet…" Addison confessed.

-Oh god, you didn't use protection. Addie, are you pregnant?

-Naomi! No! Derek showed up. After we slept together, and he wants me back." Addison lowered her voice.

-Wait, Derek wants you back? Like in a relationship?"

-Yes, that's what he said. "

-But what do you want? I mean do you have feelings for Mark? Since you slept with him.¨" Naomi said.

-I don't know, I mean, Derek's my ex-husband, and he was a jerk to me in Seattle, but he's Derek. But I still can't forgive him for telling me to leave Seattle like that, and for choosing Meredith over me." Addison said a little hurt. "and Mark… I don't know…" she said.

-Yeah… I understand that. But you guys are Addison and Derek. You belong together. Right?"

Addison knew she still had feelings for Derek. She did. But she couldn't get hurt again. Not from him anyway, and she didn't actually know what she really felt about Mark, and being in a relationship with him. Addison just stared at Naomi, she quickly got up and went to her office without saying a word. Addison didn't have any surgery's today, so she just sat in her office all day doing some paper work. At around 3pm she heard a knock on her office door. It was Derek.

-Hey" he said almost a whisper. "can I come in?

-No" Addison said harsh.

-Addie c'mon, would you at least hear me out?" he begged.

-I don't want to hear it Derek, so just save it." She said angry.

Derek walked to her desk, she was sitting in her chair and he stood in front of her.

-I beg you Addison, please let me explain."

Addison stood up and opened her office door

-Get out" she said.

Derek went to the couch and sat down.

-What are you doing?" she said.

-Sit." He said demanding.

-No. I don't want to talk to you. So just get your butt out of here." She said angry.

-Derek stood up and gripped her hand and walked to the couch again. He sat both of them down in the couch and he started talking.

-I was afraid, in Seattle. I'm with Meredith now, when I really want you Addison. I still love you, I will always love you. But I'm also in love with you. You're the one I want to be with, no one else, and it just took me so damn long to realize that and I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. And if you'll let me I will prove it to you, I can spend my entire life making it up to you." Derek said softly.

-Uh… I don't know what to say Derek…" she said low. I have feelings for you too, I do, I just can't get hurt again. Because what you did to me in Seattle…"

-I know, I know. And I'm truly sorry about that. I am. Please forgive me?" he said.

-Derek… I…"

She got interrupted of his lips crashing on hers. He took his hand around her waist and pushed her closer to him. She didn't respond so he pulled her even closer and kept the kiss slow and soft so she knew the kiss was about his love for her. After a while she started to respond and she took his hands around his neck and started playing with his hair. Derek started licking on her bottom lip, begging for entrance. She parted her lips and their tongues met. Her hands went lower, to his chest. And his started to go up higher to her hair. He felt her red locks in his hands. He pulled her down so she was laying on the couch now, he was on top of her but tried not to lay his weight on her since she's tiny and he was not. They didn't break the kiss. Addison had his hands around his neck now, tried to push him even closer to her, she wanted to feel his body pressed against hers. Derek's right hands were all over. He started slow. He had his hands on her thighs, they were soft. Her dress were by now up so high so she flashed her bare legs. He went higher with his hands, over her stomach and then he softly cupped her breast.

-Derek, wait." Addison said and sat up.

-What's wrong? Did I do something I shouldn't have done?" he said confused.

-No, it's just. I have to tell you something." She said serious.

-Okay… spill." Derek said.

-Well… you obviously know that I slept with Mark."

Derek felt the jealousy building, and so the anger inside of him. Addison continued.

-And he has feelings for me. He wants a relationship with me." Addison said.

-So? What does that mean? What's your point?" Derek said.

-My point is that I sort of have too…" she said in a whisper.

-You have what?" Derek said raising his voice to her.

-Don't raise your voice to me! You're the one who told me to leave, remember? So you don't get to be mad at me!" Addison said angry.

-Okay, you're right. Fair enough." Derek said.

It tortured him that she had feelings for Mark. Damn. I should've never let her go. God I'm so stupid.

-Good. Well actually, I'm not so sure if I do have feeling for him. But there is something going on between us. That I know. I just can't trust you Derek… not the way I did before." Addison said with a hurting voice that was killing Derek.

-Okay, understandable. But let me prove to you that I'll never going to hurt you again Addie. I promise. Just let me take you out? For dinner, tonight?" Derek said hopefully. He took her hand in his, and started to play a little with her fingers.

-You can take me out sometime, but I have plans tonight"

-What plans? "Derek said.

-I'm going out with Mark" she said, her voice was small.

Derek felt like his entire world was crashing. Just the thought of Mark and Addison made him feel sick to his stomach. He let go of her hand. And looked down. Addison could see he was hurt by this. So she took his hands again, and kissed them quickly.

-Derek, just because I'm going out with Mark doesn't mean we cant." She said with a smile.

-Yeah… okay." Derek said with hurt in his voice.

Addison took her hands around his neck and kissed him, one soft sweet kiss.

-Tomorrow okay? Pick me up at 8pm." She said with a smile.

Derek just nodded and smiled at her.

-Good, but no kissing! Or touching for that matter!" She said.

-Wait, what? Why not?" Derek said.

-I want to wait, until I'm sure who I want." She said serious.

This felt like some of these stupid tv shows there you choose which you want to spend your life with. It was stupid. Both felt like this, but since Addison wasn't sure, this is how it's going to be.

-Okay, I understand. Well I should get going to my hotel now, uhm… have fun with Mark tonight, or something." He said cold.

-Yeah, thanks" she said.

-Or wait, forget that I ever said that. Don't have fun with him" he said with a grin.

-Haha! Just wait until tomorrow" she said.

Derek who was standing now, looked down at Addison and tried to kiss her. When he was just a few inches from her lips she put two fingers on them and said

-uh uh! No kissing!" she said while she was laughing at him.

-Urgh… fine! " he said and then kissed her forehead quickly. "I'll see you tomorrow" he said with a grin.

-Yes! Don't be late mister" she said to him.

He just had his prince charming look on his face and said.

-I promise babe.

So ideas for chapter 5 perhaps? I'm not gonna lie people but I do like the Maddison in this story. Like one of the readers reviewed "Let Derek suffer" and I'm actually gonna make him suffer a bit. He deserves it for a little while I think. But this is an Addek fic, so it'll be Addison and Derek eventually. Please review and I'll update more. Peace and Love /Addison


	5. Chapter 5

This chapter goes to my dad.

Dad I love you so much. Can't belive you have been gone for almost 10 weeks now. You were amazing. Say hi to mom from me. And wait for me Dad. I'll see you and mom soon.

30/1-1967 - 3/7-2012 Rest in peace daddy. I love you.

Addison got quickly home and applied some new makeup on and deacided to go with a black simpel dress for the date she had with Mark this evening. She was kind of excited for the date. It was all new for her. The whole dating thing. It was kinda fun. But also a little nervous, because she was about to tell Mark about the Derek thing. Addison had doubts about Derek. Why did he tell her to go if he really didn't want it that way? She was clearlt confused. But let*s face it. He's Derek. The love of her life. But could she be in a relationship with him again? And Mark. Was he serious about everything? A thousands of thoughts was going around Addison's head when the doorbell rang. She got her purse and grabbed the car keys, her wallet, phone and some make up just in case. She got down stairs carefully not wanting to trip with her redicously high heels she was wearing. She opened the door only to find Mark standing there with the huges smile.

"Hi Mark, great timing. I'm all done." Addison said.

"God Addison, you look fantastic." Mark said while looking up and down on her.

"Thank you, that's so sweet Mark." Addison blushed.

Mark and Addison got in the car on drove away. when they arrived Addison got out and walked over to Mark. He grabbed her hand and they walked together inside the resturant.

It was very elegant and classy. Just the way Addison likes it.

"So how was your day?" Mark said.

"It was ok I guess..." Addison said. Should she tell him now? or should she wait?

"One thing happened though" Addison said.

"Oh yeah, tell me" Mark said with a small smile.

"Derek came by my office today."

"What? Derek? Wow, what did he want?" mark said.

"He wants me back" addison said quickly. Just wanting the conversation about Derek to be over soon enough.

"He what? he can't be serious. I mean he just left you!" Mark said annoyed.

"I know that very well Mark." Addison said angry. "I just don't know what to do" she said.

"You really want him back after what he did you Addison?"

"He will always be the love of my life Mark, I can't just forget him like that, is not that easy you know. But now I see the knew you. Not the guy I used to know who screws every girl on earth. Now I see the knew Mark who really wants to fight for me. And I just don't know okay?" Addison said. Emotionelly.

"Well, that's up to you. If you think he deserves you. Fine. But I won't stop fighting for you Addie. I'm sure. I want you. Not some random chick I've picked up in a bar. I wan't you." Mark said proud.

Addison was blushing. Mark was really a good guy.

"It makes me so happy for me to hear that Mark. I needed that. Thank you. But you should know I'm going out with derek tomorrow." Addison said.

"Well I guess that's only fair since I'm on a date with you know. Right? And I get to have you the entire night" Mark grinned leaning forward.

Addison pulled away knowing he wanted to kiss her. But she hadn't forgotten about her rules.

"Mark, I'm not doing anything or anyone tills I know. Tills I'm sure." Addison said with a serious voice.

"Gah, fine." Mark pulled away a bit.

They both enjoyed the company and the delicious food they had. Mark dropped Addison off at her place and then drove away alone.

Addison was dead tired. She removed her make up. Put her pj's on and jumped in to bed.

She couldn't stop thinking about him. The way he smells. The way he kissed her. The way he holds her and the way he makes her feel. God, she knew who she wanted. Deep inside she knows who she wants. But when was she ready to begin a new relationship with him?

So I know this is short but I've been so busy with life right now! I lost my dad this summer that's why I haven't updated. Can you belive it? Now Im offically alone. No parents. God does really hate me. Anyways. Im very sorry for not been able to update. But I have so much to come for you guys! So drop a review would you! Make a girl happy!

Lots of love/ Addison


	6. Chapter 6

Hope you all like this chapter. And for the love of God! Review!

Addison woke up early that morning. She took a quick look at the clock. It was 7am. She decided that she wanted to take a long hot shower. To gather her thoughts. She slowly got out of bed. Went to the bathroom and took off her night gown and stepped in the shower. She was thinking about last nights event. Mark had been so amazing to her lately. She really did believed he had changed and that he wanted to be with her for real. The question is: does she want to be with him? Or Derek? The thing about Derek though is that hes a total jerk sometimes. Addison already knows who she wants to be with. She decided to tell him when she was ready and 100 percent sure. After 40 min in the shower, she got out and took a towel around herself, she went to her bedroom to check her phone. She had received a text from Derek.

'Hope you had a good night. I will see you tonight. I'll pick you up around 7pm. Wear something comfortable. Can't wait to see you Addison. Love, Derek.'

Hmm, comfortable? I don't have any comfortable, she thought. She decided to pick one of her normal outfits. That involves a nice elegant dress. High heels of course. She went to the bathroom and noticed her hair was completely dry, so she just curled it a little. And put on some makeup and earrings. She called Naomi, she wanted t go out shopping for tonight. Naomi picked her up and they drove to the mall. Addison found the perfect outfit. And they decided to have a quick lunch before they left.

"So how are you?" Naomi asked while drinking from her ice cold water.

"I'm fine, just tired, woke up early today" Addison responded with a soft smile. "how are you?" she asked quickly after.

"I'm okay, just stressed I guess." Naomi said. "Yeah, same." Addison said.

"I bet, with all of the Derek/Mark drama going on. Speaking about that. Have you picked one yet?" Naomi teased.

"For your information, I actually have." Addison told Naomi while eating a little from her Chinese food hey bought a few minutes ago.

"Really? Who? It's Mark isn't it? I knew you'd pick him Addison! I knew!" Naomi almost screamed.

"Naomi! No, I did not pick him. I mean hes amazing. Well... He have been. But I mean Derek? You know I'll always choose him over any guy. Even Mark. Mark is a good friend. I just cant see myself being serious with him." Addison explained.

"Oh... Well okay. I don't know what to say, really." Naomi said low.

"What's that supposed to mean Naomi?"

"All I'm saying I don't want you to get hurt anymore from Derek. He was such a jerk to you in Seattle I cant even look at him anymore. I just don't want to see you sad and hurt again Addison. Its not good for you. You deserve someone who'll be there for you. And not someone who'll run off to a twelve year old." Naomi said with a serious tone.

Addison knew her friend was completely right about this.

"I know... I just want to be with him. I want to have me and Derek back. The way we used to be. In love." Addison said quietly.

"Then you should say that to him." Naomi told her.

"I should. And if he screws up again. I'll be gone forever."

"Yes, good luck with that" Naomi winked.

"Thanks..." Addison said.

They finished their lunch and drove back home. It was now 6 pm, Addison was in her couch reading a magazine. She decided to get her new cute outfit on. She went upstairs and took her clothes with her. She put on her new jeans. They were a light blue color. To that she had bought a normal tank top, white. And over that she had a pink sweater on. Also a light color. Her hair was still curly and she decided to have it that way for tonight as well. She put her normal shoes on. Not heels, just sneakers. Without her high heels she was kind of short. She put on some more makeup just to keep it fresh. She heard the doorbell ring, so she took a quick look in the mirror and went downstairs. Addison was actually nervous. She opened the door, and there he was. He had that charmingly smile on his lips.

"Hello beautiful" Derek said still with that smile.

"Hi, I hope this outfit will work" Addison blushed a little by his comment.

"Yes, its perfect, so are you ready to go?" Derek said.

"Just let me grab my purse"

"You wont need it" Derek said while he grabbed Addison's hand.

"Oh, okay." She locked the door and they started walking.

"So are you going to tell me where we are going?" Addison asked.

"No, you'll see soon. Its nothing special really" Derek said and squeezed her hand.

"Fine, I'm just so hungry" Addison complained.

"Good, because we're here."Derek said.

They were at the beach, it wasn't long from Addison house. She saw the little picnic he had arranged for them. It was adorable Addison thought.

"See, I told you it wasn't something special. Just a..."

Addison cut him off.

"Its adorable Derek. Thank you" She said with a very big smile. She wanted to kiss him in that moment. But remembered the rule she had set.

"I'm glad you like it." Derek said. Also fighting the urge to kiss her.

They went to the blanket and sat down. Derek grabbed the wine and offered a glass to Addison. And they started to eat what he had brought them. Everything tasted amazing.

"So how did the date with Mark go?" Derek asked cold.

"It went good." Addison said, she didn't want to talk about Mark with Derek.

"Okay" Derek looked away from Addison.

'Should I tell him now? Or should I wait a couple of days?' Addison thought.

She decided to wait.

They finished their food and now the were talking about interesting cases they recently have had. Derek told Addison about this little boy with a brain tumor and Addison was talking about her triplets she had delivered. Addison felt a little cold, and Derek noticed. He took a bag he had brought and pulled up a blanket while Addison was watching him. He took it around her and pulled her into his chest.

"Thank you" Addison said with a smile.

"Always" Derek replied.

"It's a beautiful night isn't it?" Addison asked while looking up.

Derek looked down at her. And said with a smile "you're beautiful"

Addison now could feel her heart beat very, very fast. She couldn't hold it any longer. She just had to kiss him now. So she kissed him. Derek was a little shocked but of course he kissed her back. The kiss was sweet and gentle. No toungue just lips. After a while when they both needed air they just looked at each other. Derek had his hand on her chin and the other one on her waist. Derek had her on his chest.

"What about your rule?" Derek said.

"Screw the rule Derek. I want to be with you. Not Mark or anyone. Only you."

Hope you all liked this chapter. I told you guys Addek would happen! And please. More reviews thanks. Peace and Love /Addison


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